Give

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I have a lot in my mind, in my hands, and on my shoulders. I try to carry these tasks at the best of my abilities but sometimes, life just hits me hard. REALITY STRIKES. (not its good side)

These moments are when I observe and see something that I am not happy with. Not because it’s not everything is not happening the way I want it to be but rather things are just becoming so dry. I see people with no emotions and feelings and just.. numb from anything. It may be because they are tired, frustrated, and thus, just gave up their own pursuit of being who they have always wanted to be. On the other hand, there are those people who, after experiencing pain and suffering, just ignored that there is such thing as love and care in the world. Independence has arrived and taken over his/her life.. without knowing its limitations.

Where is the love in this world?
What is humanity now?

I have my own dreams and actually, I will be chasing one of them tomorrow but after encountering some of the worldly problems I don’t really want to mention because it’s not worth ranting about.. I am just so distracted with why these things happen in this life? I believe that I am one of the happiest people on earth whose innocence is trying to overcome all the challenges this life has given me. I am trying.. I am trying to be who I am and giving back to the community even if sometimes I just feel alone.

Every time I lend a helping hand, I feel fulfilled and full of worth. I guess, I just do not want people to experience what I felt. To let them know that they are not alone.

Okay, I’m giving and giving. I like it. I love making people happy.. that’s just who I am but you know, sometimes I just want to experience the same thing as well. To have someone say constantly that they believe in me. For now, I’ll thrive with the smiles I receive. It’s worth the wait.

The Irony of “Happiness”

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There are two things that have been in my mind for quite some time. Just an observation based on my own experiences. Getting to understand the meaning of happiness and how it can lead to success is quite a big idea deal with. We may get the understanding that this is how it all works but actually, after having to watch Shawn Achor’s TEDtalk video about “The Happiness Advantage”, it does make sense to create a better analogy on how happiness can lead to success and not the other way around.

However, it is easier said than done. No matter how much we strive to do what we love, we always come to a point where it does not seem right anymore or your aspirations seem to be at a different path. Now, no one can really say which one is which.. only you. Before we get to the realization of what happiness should feel like, we have to understand ourselves more than our surroundings. (our strengths, our weaknesses, our background, our culture, and most importantly, our values that creates that foundation towards our thought and behaviour)

2 things I came to think of when it came to knowing what will make me “happy” are quite ironic.. well according to how I have been feeling the past few months, here they go:

“The more people I know, the more lonely I feel.” 
It is confusing but that’s how I feel. I am a friendly person by nature and I just love to meet new people. In the longer run though, I don’t feel as connected to them like I used to. This is no generalization, just a situation. I treasure these people whom I have met and there is no way that I would replace their friendships with anyone else. There are just moments when I feel that it is so difficult to keep up with each person’s life. I know the quality of he relationship is always more important than quantity of times you have met; however, we can’t deny how the friendship goes deeper through the memories you have spent together, which equals the time you make time to be with them.

Current situation: still in the path of understanding the art of balancing relationships

“The more effort I put into pushing myself to get out and discover who I am, the more I feel lost.”
It is believed that it is extremely important to get to know yourself first before you head out for the world. I have always had this thought that once I create my goal, I must focus towards achieving it even if it meant that I have to give up some things. This is how I was brought up. My parents would always talk about sacrifice and service and how these two things can lead to happiness and later on, success with achieving the life you have always wanted to have. However, this kind of wisdom is not working for me right now. I am craving to do the things that I used to do.. unfortunately, I do not have enough time for them. It’s just sad to realize how I have to comply to this path when i could have traveled the road less traveled by. I have been involved in almost anything and everything but nothing seems to fill my heart and my satisfaction.. I have been thinking that maybe, just maybe time would tell. That once I get to that phase, I would understand and I would experience the greater happiness. I was just wondering, until how long?

Current situation: still in the path of either realizing or creating my own identity

Relationships.

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Relationship is such a big word that touches on so many things from our personal perspective to the society’s expectations. It may differ from culture to culture, which makes it more interesting because then we can have more things to create a better understanding. I am not an expert in this but I am willing to learn. For now though.. I will just want to share how I view relationships and how these are influenced by my culture, environment, and upbringing. There can be a lot of classifications done under relationships but I will only cover the kind of relationships we have with different people. In a skating rink, there may be people from all kinds of backgrounds but what brings them there in one place is because of one thing: they want to skate. Now, it does not have involve pure passion of skating rather just the intention and interest of learning how to skate or simply just the fun of it.

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Family

This is usually the first relationship we encounter when we first enter the world. I love my family more than anything, I love them as much as the one who created me. Yes, there may be a lot of misunderstandings but nevertheless, love can be best understood in a family setting, in my perspective. No one is perfect that those imperfections create the beauty of being able to accept a person. In my family, we may not have the best personalities but I learned a lot from each of them. Things that does not only help me succeed in my life bust also things that makes me want to love life more. They see me at my best and at my worst self but never did they judge me. Instead, they will help me out. I never felt that I lacked anything when I’m with them because in their eyes, I am already perfect as I am and whatever imperfections there are, that’s what makes me unique. Of course that does not include bad attitudes. As for those, they may scold or reprimand me. However, at the end of the day, they will say that their intentions were pure and that is to help me become a better person. I may not have the best family but in my eyes, they are enough to make me happy. Moreover  the greatest part of going home is immediately knowing that there are people waiting for me.

I remember when I was 12 years old, I would always cry at night because of the thought of losing them in my life, especially my parents. I don’t know what made me think that way.. it just came to my mind how my life would be without them and that was not something I would want. In reality, there are a lot of things that could happen that we cannot control and those circumstances must not stop us in going back and seeing the true meaning of family. These are mere thoughts that are going through my mind but I know it will be different by the time that it actually happens. Appreciation is the best way to give back that love that was given to us.

My dad taught me the importance of perseverance and that no matter what background or challenges I will face, that should not stop me from learning and doing my best in everything that I do. My mom gave me the best representation of how true love goes above and beyond.  My brother has shown me what integrity stands for and how numbness was never the best solution to problems or societal rejection. My sister taught me that kindness is not limited to how a person treats you. Even with my flaws, my sister respects me. I also learned from her that innocence is can be an advantage because there will be less judgments, expectations, and    I appreciate them and reality (getting to have our own responsibilities to the world around us) may sometimes stop us from getting more time to spend with one another but that does not mean that we can’t try.

FRIENDSHIP

This can be one of the toughest to understand because not only do we meet friends who come from different backgrounds or ethnicity but also instill different values and perceptions. As the quote says, birds of the same feather flock together. That can be true to most cases but that should not limit us in having a diverse group of people to be friends with. Who knows.. the people that we are afraid to talk to may be the person we are most similar with. It is still our choice to choose our friends. The feeling of comfort and trust must be mutual in order to sustain the relationship. There may be times when it is hard to find the right people but remember, never be a people-pleaser! It can be hard to avoid especially if you do not want to disappoint anyone. Just think of it this way, you will eventually get tired and they will eventually find out who you really are so why put in so much effort to get their attention and acceptance. It is hard especially if it involves people that you like and respect; however, the risks of changing who you are and your values are not worth it. No matter how you look at it, there are and there will be people who understands you and will accept you not because you have proven yourself to them but because of the fact that they had the will to learn more about who you really are. I am glad to have close friends who have been good and true to me. Being in another country may seem different at first; however, judgments and prejudice must not be placed in our heads because it only limits our capability/es of presenting to others who we really are.

FAITH

Living life with a knowledge that there is a being that is higher than me, I learned to stay grounded. My belief is not something I am ashamed of rather it is more of something that I am proud of. Love, however, is not boastful so I do not aim exclaim my utmost love for the Being who created me with pure love. The best way is to explain how I view my faith and its importance in my daily life. I pray daily and the bible is something that I aim to read from start to end. These may be practices but faith should not be limited to what should be done rather it has to be parallel to our beliefs as a human being that soon enough, we will be able to share these to other people. By sharing, it does not mean that we have to insist on other people that they have to try it because that would just be wrong. What I meant was being able to talk about our appreciation of the faith with no hesitations concerning how people will think of us. Now, it should not be too aggressive to the point that people of other beliefs will feel threatened by what you’re saying. Going back to why faith is important in my life. The main reason lies on the fact that it keeps me going like how a gasoline keeps the engines of the car moving. It’s my drive to be a good person knowing that I came from one and gives me hope that humanity still has a chance to change for the better.

Romantic Relationships

Now when we hear relationships, the first thing that comes to people’s mind is a partner or someone they are with.. not for me. I may not have enough knowledge on how these relationships work but I believe in the magic the kind of ‘love’ it will give. Whenever I am confronted with this thought, I just imagine myself in this scenario:

Walking in the park with the cold breeze of spring brushing through our faces, we walk hand-in-hand knowing that nothing can keep us apart. We do not speak because we do not have to. Our hearts beat as one and that is enough. We are still beside each other and that is more than enough. Growing old together and overcoming those challenges that almost separated us, we learned to get a deeper understanding of what love meant and how this has influenced to the way we treat each other as times got tougher. Our wrinkles does not symbolize our fatigue and frustrations rather they are only there to represent our smiles that came back to life after every fall that we take. We take that same path just like before, which symbolizes the importance of the past where the first instance that we felt we belonged was still there and will forever be there. We sit on the bench and look at each other to smile and giggle just because we want to. I lean on his shoulder and he leans on my head. After a while, we stand up.. satisfied. 

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These are just my own telescope on how I observe and perceive relationships. Then again, I am yet to learn more and see more of the world around me. It may be scary but it will not stop me from understanding it. Relationships are the most important treasures we can have in this temporary life, not those awards or achievements, not the better technologies that makes life easier, not those clothes that make us feel accepted, and even not the likes we get on each picture we get on Facebook. It may be hard to maintain one or to find the right people to be with; however, as long as we stay true to our values and have our principles planted in our hearts and minds. Let’s skate through life knowing that there are people around us who enjoy what we love. (:

Worldly Matters. -Carly Rae

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Just a short reflection:

I’ve been listening to Carly Rae’s album for a year now, but I never really listened to the lyrics. However, after encountering a recent problem, I became more aware of the things around me. I guess emotions just help people to become more sensitive and conscious to their surroundings.

Anyway, the lyrics of this simple but really meaningful song just caught me red-handed because it actually captured my current situation where I have forgotten some of my personal priorities. Relationships, my friends, are the most important thing that you have to take care of second to your own career/future/success. It may difficult, that is for sure, but have you imagined climbing that ‘cedar tree’ to success just for our personal security and forgetting the people around you (especially those who matter the most), what will they feel? what would you feel if your own friends/family have done the same to you? Where is the love now.

As the chorus goes:
“Oh time don’t blind me, I am so sorry I’ve been swept up in my own concerns
And I know worldly matters, they just don’t matter at all.”

It is observed in reality that material things can label our identity and status in this world. But who are we to judge ourselves as how the world dictates us to be? No one know us more than ourselves. Don’t conform to the status quo, it is a trap you don’t want to be in. For me, the best way to succeed and be happy is to know our limitations when it comes to reaching our dreams while having our foot on the ground. Once you have lifted yourself up towards that dream, you can get lost and eventually forget who you are. There is nothing wrong in doing what you want to do; however, you must be aware of your values and your top priorities.