2014, you are mine.

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Now that I have turned a new chapter of my life, I want to share you my resolutions that I plan to change since change is the only permanent thing in our lives. Looking back to 2013, I have never been more proud of my ability to surpass all the challenges that brought me and my values to the ground. On the other hand, I have learned some meaningful lessons that I will never have learned if I did not take the chance of going above and beyond.

Thank you.

I know how resolutions are so cliche but in my perspective, it’s also a great feeling to know that it’s another year and we are done with one chapter of our lives that we can always smile or cry about. (so nostalgic!) It’s a wonderful feeling that we are beginning somewhere again: best way to motivate yourself that you are only going to get BETTER.

I have only been in Canada for 1 year and a half-ish and seeing where I am standing right now (the amount of mistakes and lessons I was able to accumulate), I am grateful to say that I went beyond my comfort zone.

“Don’t give up. You are already in pain.
You are already hurt. Get a reward from it.”

Two biggest achievements of 2013:

1. Great involvement in University

In my first year, I was so excited that I gave so much time in attending events, workshops, and info sessions to learn more about myself and this University. It’s a remarkable place to be in! (put yourself out there) I was awarded a first-year involvement award, became a director of my organization, and just late last year, was informed that I will soon be in the National team. There are more things that I have yet to discover and I can’t wait to witness them all.

2. Work experience

This is my second job and I’m loving every single bit of it. The people, the environment, the support, and the values it upholds to its employees and customers. I am slowly developing my professional skills considering how I’m the youngest of my co-workers! Being acknowledged and showing appreciation is the best feeling ever. It’s all about give and take.

Three things that I aim for this year:

1. Excellent Academic Standing (A)

This is not only for my parents’ happiness but also for my own. Being able to achieve a good grade does not simply indicate that I’m smart (no way lol) but that I am able to focus and work hard on an achievement that requires so much time, effort, and discipline to master. I used to get good grades in high school but being in university, I was exposed to so much more things that I forgot to prioritize. This is for us, mom & dad.

2. Go for my interests.

I have always been afraid to show who I am and what I love to do but this year will be different. Music and sports are two of them. I have set them aside too much because I thought they were not as important as setting achievements in other aspects of my life (such as my weaknesses). Having to be away from them for the past year has made me realize how big of an impact they have created in my life and NEVER will I ever set them aside. Hopefully, I will be able to join our swimming intramural and have a cover with my dear friend (who is by the way, a wonderful singer!). Who is excited?! I am!

3. Natural self-discovery.

I have pushed myself too much to the things that I think will make me happy. It was frustrating. This year, I will understand myself by doing the things I love and have always wanted to do but “never” had the time to do so.
– downtown photography
– starting my vision planned out
– travel

You are who you are and nobody should tell you otherwise.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Challenge accepted

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Life may take you to a roller coaster ride and if you don’t go against it, you might just get lost and forget your very first purpose of being there, which is to HAVE FUN.

This year: 2014. We will be better, better than always, better than before and nothing should stop us. 2013 has definitely been one hell of a roller coaster for me and I think I rode too much roller coaster rides that I have to take a break this year. This year will be about me, what I want, and who I am.

By the way, my biggest dream that I mentioned in my last post was not accomplished because of certain reasons that I have yet to understand. It shook my drive and passion, that’s for sure.. but I truly understand that everything happens for a reason.

This year: 2014. I have always said that I am who I am but I just realized that I have been losing myself because of my desire to find myself. I was not able to take the courage to say no to the things that might lead me to the person I “should” be and forget the reason of why I do what I do. It’s frustrating but this year will be my year of pure self-discovery. 2013 was crazy enough to teach me the lessons I have always tried to understand.

Give

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I have a lot in my mind, in my hands, and on my shoulders. I try to carry these tasks at the best of my abilities but sometimes, life just hits me hard. REALITY STRIKES. (not its good side)

These moments are when I observe and see something that I am not happy with. Not because it’s not everything is not happening the way I want it to be but rather things are just becoming so dry. I see people with no emotions and feelings and just.. numb from anything. It may be because they are tired, frustrated, and thus, just gave up their own pursuit of being who they have always wanted to be. On the other hand, there are those people who, after experiencing pain and suffering, just ignored that there is such thing as love and care in the world. Independence has arrived and taken over his/her life.. without knowing its limitations.

Where is the love in this world?
What is humanity now?

I have my own dreams and actually, I will be chasing one of them tomorrow but after encountering some of the worldly problems I don’t really want to mention because it’s not worth ranting about.. I am just so distracted with why these things happen in this life? I believe that I am one of the happiest people on earth whose innocence is trying to overcome all the challenges this life has given me. I am trying.. I am trying to be who I am and giving back to the community even if sometimes I just feel alone.

Every time I lend a helping hand, I feel fulfilled and full of worth. I guess, I just do not want people to experience what I felt. To let them know that they are not alone.

Okay, I’m giving and giving. I like it. I love making people happy.. that’s just who I am but you know, sometimes I just want to experience the same thing as well. To have someone say constantly that they believe in me. For now, I’ll thrive with the smiles I receive. It’s worth the wait.

Sometimes.

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Sometimes the best way to experience and understand isn’t by how others show it to us rather it is sometimes more effective if we ourselves have witnessed the presence of love in how other people treat one another.

Sometimes things that we don’t understand happen but that does not mean we are not in the right path.

Sometimes the best way to learn is through constant risks and challenges that test our comfort zone. (now, let’s not be sarcastic and consider bad vices that hinder good health)

Sometimes we just have to be more sensitive to our environment. It does not dictate weakness but as a strength because not everyone is doing it.

Sometimes the norm is not the supposed norm. (this may seem confusing.. go figure.)

Sometimes we tend to forget those who have loved and supported us in the first place because we’re too busy pleasing the people who do not care about who we are.

Sometimes we have to stop comparing our successes and achievement with other people because that’s not going to help (positively) in appreciating ourselves and recognizing how special we are. Each person has their own talents and skills.. you do not want to ruin your own skills just because that person is better than you in doing one thing. LOVE YOURSELF! because that’s the first step before other people can love you back.

Sometimes we have to stop saying sometimes and just  step it up. Don’t limit yourself to the sky, the moon, or the stars. Keep going higher BUT keep your feet on the ground. How? Appreciate your past, Live your present, and Let the future give you what you deserve.

Let go and move on

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Better write a blog post before classes start again, right? I have always thought that blogging my thoughts and opinions is better than keeping it all to myself or writing them all down in my journal. Well, there are some extent to it, I guess? I’m still understanding vulnerability and its limitation (if there are any) so the topics that I’ve been sharing are more of what bothers me or keeps me awake at night rather than the things that makes me tear up. However, I’m just really happy that blogs were invented because it helps those who have a hard time in expressing themselves out to the world from being a mere observer to an excellent thinker. <- that is a really good idea to bring up for my future post, I’ll definitely share how being a wallflower is more than an advantage than being seen as a ‘quiet’ or ‘shy’ person.

As I said, it won’t be too long before I go back to school again. Actually, my summer classes starts tomorrow!! Last weekend was great, that’s not doubt. Perfect ending for my one week break -_- (ONE WEEK.) I expected too much. My Sunday ended with a bittersweet talk with my mom. Honestly, I somewhat expected for it to come anytime soon. Recently, I have observed how I changed in how I talk and act in front of them. It started when she came into my room asking, “Can I talk to you about something?” I was annoyed at first because I know how she will bring up my wrongdoings. And she did but there was a twist to that night. At first, we were arguing as if there was nothing right in the way we saw each other’s actions. It was crazy because I was never that open to my mom before. I felt guilty. However, as the conversation progressed, our mood changed. Instead of tackling the “What” of the situation, we went to the “Why”, which was a tougher question to answer.

It took some time when I came to a familiar answer.

My Past.

I will not elaborate because it’s a really really long story but a short summary states how my confidence was never brought back after an incident that completely changed my life 360 degrees from being a jolly kid to a meticulous observer. I had no regrets, I did learn something. You cannot please everyone. I learned that.. in a way that ruined how I perceived my environment. Trust issues came about, self-consciousness rose to being too shy, my sensitivity later became a weakness. Before that incident, I knew that my concern towards the people around me gave an advantage towards how they appreciated my kindness and how I loved the feeling of helping out other people even if it meant that I should put my interests as a second choice. It was nothing that kept me from seeing the beauty of everyone whom I met. That was not the case in that scenario because they saw my kindness as a threat and my innocence as a humor.

My self-confidence was shattered ever since that day. I never trusted anyone or myself. It was hard.. I am glad that my parents introduced me to swimming the following year, which as I have mentioned in my previous blogs changed my life back to happiness again. It was nothing permanent though because well, it’s quite typical that the negative things stick longer to our minds/hearts than the positive ones because it the sting is still there. Also considering how I stopped swimming training for this school year because I’m just new in this country.

My mom and I discussed the possible solution to building up my confidence and her say was “ALWAYS COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.” Now, that’s something that I have done before. When I was a kid, I was told to have a notebook where I will list the things that I am thankful for everyday. It was surreal at first but I did see the effect on it.. unfortunately, I stopped and forgot about it. But now, I remember! 🙂 Another solution that was brought up was that the only way you can get over it is to accept that it has already happened. Now it’s not that easy because my mom continued with an idea that acceptance only happens when you yourself is capable of going back to what had happened without feeling the pain it gave to you. How can that be possible if it was really that bad? Well, good news “Anything is possible as long as you put your heart in it and have the will to do it.”

This will be a big challenge but I am willing to try. Actually, this school year, I have been quite involved in University just to be able to adjust to the new environment and to go beyond my comfort zone. I am happy with my performance and well, I need more drive to be better. 🙂 To finish off, I just want to thank you for reading my post and being open to what I have got to say. Just remember that you are never alone in your problems and that..

“We are products of our past, but that does not mean that we have to be prisoners of it.” – Purpose Driven

Have a great summer, WordPressers!

P.S. I LOVE MY MOM. It’s almost mother’s day. Don’t forget to show your love to your mommy-es/moms/mamas! They did in fact, risked their life when they gave birth to you. 🙂

Oh Pride.

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^ why do I say that?

I have just observed how we identify ourselves with the things that we have accomplished, we have learned to label what we can do based on the achievements we have received. Sometimes, when we get to the position we have always wanted to be in.. we forget how hard we worked to get to that place, we forget the relationships we had along the way, and the worst part, there are times when we forget what values we had cherished & treasured before getting to that dream. We are just human beings and yes, we make mistakes. But wouldn’t it be better if we treated those mistakes as our stepping stone towards something better and not as a hindrance.

My brother mentioned a thought to me that pretty much challenged how I used to perceive things. Before, I would always think that the only way to become better is to by being numb to my fears like rejection (and treating it as something typical that happens every single time) That should not be the case! Life will be miserable if that attitude is implanted in our minds. Yes, rejection happens all the time but why does it happen? Sometimes, it’s not always because people do not understand us but maybe, just maybe, we are the ones who misunderstand. Maybe we are doing something wrong that keeps us getting rejected. Some factors may be the lack of commitment, over confidence (to the point when we forget what others are feeling), not walking the talk, and many more. What I’m trying to get at is that when we are facing problems and relationships, we must stay grounded.

I have a huge huge huge peeve on this topic and hopefully one day, I will be able to muster the confidence to share some thoughts. Moreover, it’s mainly because I have too much ideas on my head when it comes to dealing with PRIDE and I am having a hard time on starting and keeping the flow. I will draft and when I’m ready, I’ll be more than willing to share! (:

Worldly Matters. -Carly Rae

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Just a short reflection:

I’ve been listening to Carly Rae’s album for a year now, but I never really listened to the lyrics. However, after encountering a recent problem, I became more aware of the things around me. I guess emotions just help people to become more sensitive and conscious to their surroundings.

Anyway, the lyrics of this simple but really meaningful song just caught me red-handed because it actually captured my current situation where I have forgotten some of my personal priorities. Relationships, my friends, are the most important thing that you have to take care of second to your own career/future/success. It may difficult, that is for sure, but have you imagined climbing that ‘cedar tree’ to success just for our personal security and forgetting the people around you (especially those who matter the most), what will they feel? what would you feel if your own friends/family have done the same to you? Where is the love now.

As the chorus goes:
“Oh time don’t blind me, I am so sorry I’ve been swept up in my own concerns
And I know worldly matters, they just don’t matter at all.”

It is observed in reality that material things can label our identity and status in this world. But who are we to judge ourselves as how the world dictates us to be? No one know us more than ourselves. Don’t conform to the status quo, it is a trap you don’t want to be in. For me, the best way to succeed and be happy is to know our limitations when it comes to reaching our dreams while having our foot on the ground. Once you have lifted yourself up towards that dream, you can get lost and eventually forget who you are. There is nothing wrong in doing what you want to do; however, you must be aware of your values and your top priorities.