3 Things

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There is so much drama in the world that we actually forget to fully appreciate our environment and all the blessings we receive in our daily lives. For the time being, I have had a realization on the 3 most dangerous things that we must avoid to do in living in this perfectly imperfect world.

Before I head on to those things, I just want to let you know that these are just based on my perspective.

1. Never expect too much (“Nobody’s perfect”)

No matter how idealistic I may be in giving so much hope in humanity’s ability to regain its values as beings of this world, I have wholeheartedly acknowledged that I must never EVER expect people to be perfect. We all have different experiences and we came from all kinds of backgrounds. Even if people are of the same family, each individual still has their own way of thinking and thus, has his/her perception on life and approaching its challenges.

There is NEVER one way out and with that being said, we must look at everything with an open mind. It is hard enough to come up with a solution.. what more when you are only given one way to get it right. The problem with our current society is that we expect everyone to do their jobs or tasks perfectly perfect, which is ever highly unlikely.. especially if we have imposed that rule on them. It is already challenging enough to understand who we are that who gives us the right to know that we already understand everyone.

2. Never attach yourself (“Let it go”)

In this temporary world, we would not want to depend our happiness on material and worldly things that will only disappoint our understanding of how life should be lived. It is definitely difficult to face this reality. This can sometimes apply to people as well. Growing in a collectivist culture and a strong sense of family ties, I was not able to succumb the thought of having to see each person totally separated and different from me that I cannot have the full capability of getting to know them unless I have a use for them. That’s what media and society has taught me.. I hope that there is more to it than this. (I’ll further elaborate on my next post)

Then again, I have been hurt by not being able to get what I have worked hard for, whom I have given my trust to, and the future that I thought I will have. At the end of the day, it’s me against the world. Or at least.. my family against everyone else. There is nothing personal with this realization rather it is more of an observation that I wanted to share to you. This world is a place of detachment and if you attach yourself to everything that you do, you might forget what true happiness is. For me, it is my family. I have been blinded in the past because of the said promises after my commitment.. that I lost sight of spending quality time with my loved ones. It was definitely a heavy burden but once I acknowledged that this is something that I treasure, I made sure not to make the same mistake.

And it felt great, a relief!

3. Never aim for success

This is actually quite surprising.. even to see me typing this myself. I was once a firm believer that we have to focus on our goals and to not be distracted by “life”. However, life is the reason why we have those goals in the first place, right? What is the point of achieving them if we would not be able to enjoy the ride and learn from the process of getting there? Does the title or achievement simply satisfies us? YES.. but until when?

I used to be so hungry for achievement because I thought it would help me boost my confidence. Don’t get me wrong, it did but then it easily vanished and I had a higher goal to achieve, which made me feel more hungry than before.. until I reach a certain point where I understood that I am just simply collecting certificates, acknowledgements, recognition, and well, trying to “fit in”. It made me more distant to who I am than ever.

I lost myself.

Establish your values and principles in life. Let everything happen on its own, treat every problem as a challenge to make your stronger. Have goals set but do not ever have those hinder you from experiencing the great, amazing things that are happening around you.

Overload

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What is success? Does it bring happiness? What is happiness? But then how can one experience happiness.. is it through wealth, accomplishments, or relationships? Have you experienced having to achieve a lot of things but still feeling empty inside? How about spending a lot of time with other people but no time for yourself? Of course, that’s a different matter. Besides anything too much is bad for us. But is too much happiness wrong? Is it wrong to want to be happy but not knowing what makes you happy? What is the difference between interests and dreams? If you are lucky, they would match.. If you are flexible, they will try to match.. If they differ, that would be complicated but at least you know which is which.

In life, take charge and stick to your decisions. Stand by them and FOLLOW THROUGH. It is easier said than done, that’s for sure but it’s not impossible. All you need to have is an understanding of your values, your commitments, and your passion. Live as though you are on a journey of learning not a journey of proving yourself. How can you prove yourself if you still haven’t found out who you really are?

Who are you? What is your identity? Do we have a planned out destination or do we make them? But how about those who experience bad things that make them in the end.. bad people? Is it their fault that they became who they are? Yes, it is us who creates our future but what if the influence of our environment is just too strong to become the person we have always wanted to be. Where does the pursuit of happiness come? I don’t know.. nobody knows but I guess, we should stop thinking about happiness so that we can expect less from it and in the end, just become content with what is in front of us. What if we are presented with a lot of options? To be happy or to be accepted? Which one will you choose?

Relationships can consume a huge amount of time in our daily lives. We may love it but sometimes it can pull us away from our own individual dreams. Moderation is the key.. The complication starts when you are to decide between career and relationships. Which is which? What if those two do not align your own dreams for yourself? Interests > Career & Relationships, is that something you have experienced? How did you face it? What is your drive? Maybe, just maybe the reason why you are neglecting your interests and concentrating on your career is because you want to improve your relationship/s (may it be to make your parents proud or to make sure that you will be able to sustain your family) Through the process though.. you alienate yourself from yourself and from your environment. Time spent is all on work just to make sure that money is coming in and everyone is happy but actually, it is only temporary happiness. They don’t feel your presence because you’re always busy and you don’t understand yourself because emotions have to be removed when it comes to work. Why? Where is happiness now? What is success?

Some things are just too complicated to think about.. so just live your life and when the right time comes, when you have learned to live to the fullest, just then you will gain the right wisdom and find out YOUR definition of success, happiness, and identity.

What we want vs. What the Society wants for us

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flyFLY HIGH!

As we grow, we are exposed to so many things and therefore, have learned to dream. However, if you have noticed, the older we get, the more blurry these dreams are becoming. I guess it’s all what reality taught us — that not all dreams are meant to come true. This is not true. What do you call those people who are just  happy with what they’re doing. I believe that they have attained the dream that they dream because most of us will lean on doing what the society wants us to be.

Social expectations can shape our identity in so many ways. Sometimes it is hard to get out of the zone but eventually, we will have to or else, living for ourselves will never be an option. In the end, if we follow what they want us to be, then who will lose? Us. If we ourselves are incapable of easily identifying of who we are and who we want to be, what more can they do to help us. These are quotes to help you deal with them.

— Appearance: “If you feel good, then you look good.”

It is never about what brand you wear or what size you wear or what trend you are following, it is all about what we are comfortable in wearing and how we want to be seen. The society does not dictate what we have to look like nor do they have the right to say who is fashionable and who is not. Back to the whole purpose of creating my blog is to point out that we all have different perspectives. If we wear what we think the society will want us to wear, I just want to assure you that not everyone will agree so might as well follow your own fashion. I have noticed how I (and probably most people) admire those who have learned how to carry themselves in whatever they have. Confidence is the key.

— Aspirations: “The hardest part is not to fail, but to regret of not even trying.” —

My mother has taught me so many things and one of them is that there is nothing wrong if you try. This may be one of the most valued lessons that I learned to apply every time I am faced with an opportunity. Confidence used to be my big problem, but I witnessed myself growing everyday as I conquer my fears.The society’s well-appreciated careers are doctors, engineers, and lawyers; however, this does not mean that we all have to be those people. If you want to be, then no problem, that is great for you! If you do not want to be, then it is also no problem, that is still great for you because then, you’ll be going for what you will be happy with.

There should also be practicality with how you choose by actually allotting time to research how that career will be valued in five to ten to twenty years, how your life will be if you have taken that path, how that can reflect your interests and passion, and last but not the least, why you have chosen that career in the first place. The latter is the most important because as the famous quote goes “the moment you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long” <– this will keep you motivated in believing in yourself and the choice that you have made. And remember, contentment is the key. We tend to want to achieve so many things, so rather focus on the ones you find most important to you and your values and fight for them. 

— Identity: “You are who you are.” —

Personality is completely different from attitude. Personality is something you are born with and attitude is something that was influenced by your environment, peers, or experiences. Personality cannot be changed but attitude can certainly be managed. The more you become yourself, the easier it is to understand the world and the world to understand you. Don’t be afraid, be yourself, be vulnerable.